[11.15]Caught In The Act


Caught In The Act                               Written by Joe Keenan
                                           Directed by Kelsey Grammer
=====================================================================
Production Code: 11.15
Episode Number In Production Order: 256
Filmed: January 21, 2004
Original Airdate on NBC: February 24, 2004
Transcript written on March 10th, 2004

The Return of Nanny Gee...


Nanette ďNanny GĒ Gooseman is a character that sometimes eludes even 
the most ardent fans of Frasier or Cheers Ė probably owing to the 
fact that she has appeared on each show exactly once.  She is Frasierís 
first wife.  He married her long before he met Lilith, or even before 
he was engaged to Diane Chambers.  A hippie in youth, she became a 
Raffi-like childrenís entertainer.  On the Cheers episode 
ďOne Hugs, The Other Doesnít,Ē she was played by Emma Thompson.  She 
appeared on Frasier (in her youthful incarnation) played by Dina 
Waters, in [9.02] ďDon Juan In Hell[2].Ē

In fact, there was a rumour that Emma Thompson originally agreed to 
replay the part for this episode, but was forced to cancel - ironically, 
because she cited "nanny problems."

Frasier also refers obliquely to his first, failed marriage in [5.13] 
ďThe Maris CounselorĒ and [7.02] ďFather of the Bride.Ē

AWARDS & NOMINATIONS

Won

EMMY
ē  Outstanding Art Direction for a Multi-Camera Series: 
   Roy Christopher, Amy Skjonsby-Winslow, Ron Olsen

Transcript {Mike Lee}


ACT ONE
Scene One Ė Cafť Nervosa Ė Morning
Frasier is seated at a table.  Martin comes in, extremely full of 
himself.

 Martin: Large coffee to go, please. [with heavy innuendo] Black. 
         [sits with Frasier] Whew, didnít get much sleep last night 
         at Roneeís.  Donít ask why, Ďcause there are certain things 
         a gentlemen doesnít tell.
Frasier: [hoping heíll shut up] Ah.

Martin crosses his arms with a smug, expectant grin on his face.  
Frasier refuses to take the hint.  Martin lets out a naughty
chuckle.

Frasier: Dad, please?
 Martin: Well, all right, Iíll tell you just a little.  Sheís got this 
         massage oil-
Frasier: Would you stop it!  I do not want to hear about your dirty 
         weekend Ė especially since the most erotic experience Iíve 
         had in six months was last weekís trouser fitting.

Niles enters with a GAP shopping bag.  He seems taken aback to see 
Frasier and Martin there.

Frasier: Oh, Niles.
 Martin: Hi, Niles.
  Niles: Hi.
Frasier: The GAP, Niles? I didnít know you shopped there.
  Niles: I just discovered it.  Apparently there are a number of them.

He sits down.

Frasier: [suspicious] And what did you get there?
  Niles: Oh, uh, well, letís see... some wine glasses, and a bud vase-
Frasier: Thatís Pottery Barn, you jackass!  Give me that!

Frasier snatches the shopping bag and pulls out a white cashmere sweater.

Frasier: Just as I thought. You bought the Diego sweater.
 Martin: Well, whatís the big deal?  Itís just a sweater.
Frasier: It is not ďjust a sweater,Ē it is a work of art by Spainís 
         fabled master weaver Diego Ė who uses only the soft chin hairs 
         of Andalusian mountain goats.  Our sweater man could only get 
         one this year.  Niles and I made a pact that neither of us 
         would buy it. [to Niles] You canít even keep a simple sweater 
         pact!
 Martin: Ah, Ronee Ė now thereís a gal who can keep a sweater ďpacked!Ē
Frasier: Stop that! [to Niles] The least you can do is let me borrow it 
         sometime.
  Niles: Absolutely not!  You know Diegoís weave conforms precisely to 
         the contours of oneís body.  Five minutes on you, Iíd never be 
         able to wear it again.  

Daphne enters.

[N.B. Jane Leeves is still wearing her maternity prop.]

 Daphne: Hello!

The three Crane men ad-lib hellos, and Daphne turns to the counter.

  Niles: [lowers voice] Not a word about this.  Weíre saving money for 
         the babyís college fund.  Sheíd kill me if she found out I 
         spent half a semester on a sweater.

Martin gets up as the waiter brings his coffee and Daphne comes back.

 Martin: You want this?  Iím leaving.
 Daphne: Where have you been?  You missed your massage this weekend.
 Martin: [smug grin] Thatís what she thinks.
Frasier: Just go!

Martin leaves, and Frasier and Niles invite Daphne to sit.

  Niles: [to the waiter] Can I get a coffee? [to Daphne] No biscotti?
 Daphne: No.  I baked me own.  I decided a dollar-fifty was way too 
         much to spend on a cookie.  Anyone?

She takes a plastic bag of cookies out of her purse.  Her words have 
given Frasier a wicked idea.

  Niles: [nervous] Oh, thank you, my angel of thrift.

Roz enters, looking exhausted and depressed.  They ad-lib hellos.

  Niles: Good morning!
    Roz: Yeah, maybe yours was.  I just spent the last two hours 
         waiting in line for this kiddie performer that Alice loves Ė 
         Nanny Gee [Niles and Frasierís ears prick up] - and the second 
         I got to the window the show sold out.
  Niles: Nanny Gee?  Frasier might be able to pull a few strings for 
         you there. [Frasier chuckles]
    Roz: Do you know Nanny Gee?  What, did you like date her?
Frasier: Actually, I married her.
    Roz: You married Nanny Gee?
Frasier: Yeah well, briefly.  It was years ago.  I was a callow,  
         dreamy-eyed youth, and she was...
    Roz: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need tickets!  Sheís at Kid Books right 
         now, signing her new CD.  If you come with me...
Frasier: Well, all right, all right, Iíll see what I can do.

Roz drags Frasier to the door.  A waiter brings Nilesís coffee.

  Niles: Thank you.  
 Daphne: Oh, and could you turn the heat up in here?  Itís freezing.
Frasier: [as heís leaving] Oh, Niles has a sweater.

To Nilesís horror, Daphne reaches for the shopping bag and pulls out 
the Diego.

 Daphne: Oh, and itís from the Gap Ė good boy!  Now help me stretch the 
         neck out, I donít want to muss me hair.

Niles stares aghast as she gives the collar a hard tug and stretches it 
wide open.

FADE OUT

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
Scene Two Ė Kid Books A long line of parents are standing with their children. Nanny Gee, a woman in her early 40ís wearing a brightly-colored costume and beret, is signing books and CDs at a table. Girl: [getting her CD] Thank you, Nanny Gee! She walks back, passing Frasier, Roz, and Alice. Roz: So what was it like being married to Nanny Gee? Frasier: Oh, gosh... we were so young and immature. We had huge fights over nothing. But in the bedroom... Roz: Frasier! Frasier: Sorry. But despite the setting, Roz still wants to know. Roz: [glances around] So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice ďhugsĒ? Frasier: Oh, big hugs. Roz: [chuckling] No kidding. Frasier: We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake. [N.B. The ďCheersĒ episode on which Nanny Gee appeared was entitled ďOne Hugs, The Other Doesnít.Ē Also, a slight discontinuity here: in [9.02] ďDon Juan In Hell[2], Nanette confessed that she made a lot of distracting noises.] Roz: So, are you hoping for another hug? Frasier: Mmm? Well, the thought had crossed my mind. You know, we used to have this wild attraction to each other Ė it was almost combustible! Truth be told, itís been a while since, I, uh... [covers Aliceís ears] romped with abandon through the perfumed gardens of Eros. Roz: Next time you say something like that, cover my ears. They reach Nanny. Nanette: [eyes on Alice] And whoís this for? Frasier: Frasier. F-R-A- Nanette: [looks up] Frasier! Oh, itís so good to see you again! Frasier: [shakes her hand] Nanette, hi. Nanette: [to Roz] And you, you look great! Iíve never such color in your cheeks... Frasier: Oh, this isnít Lilith. This is my co-worker, Roz, and her daughter, Alice. Nanette: [to Alice] Hey, Alice. How old are you? Frasier: Iím divorced now. Alice: Five. Nanette: Wow, five! Frasier: Single again. Nanette: You know what happens when you turn six? You grow an extra finger! [Alice laughs] Frasier: Footloose, fancy-free...! Roz: Sheís not biting. Just get the tickets. Frasier: All right. You know, Nanette, Alice was so hoping to see your show. But alas, all the tickets are sold. Nanette: Well, I think I can scare up three seats Ė if you donít mind sitting in the front row. Alice jumps for joy, making Roz do the same. Roz: Oh, thank you, Nanny Gee! Nanetteís assistant, Donald, comes over. Donald: Can I have everyoneís attention? Nanny Gee has to go to the theater now. So... no more autographs. Kids: Ohh... Nanette: Gosh, Iím sorry. But maybe we may have time for one more thing. Would you like to hear a song? Kids: Yeah! Nanette: Does everyone know the Peek-A-Boo Song? Kids: Yeah! Nanette: Well, then you know what to do! Donald goes to a piano in the corner and plays the tune. Nanette: [covers her eyes, singing] Peek-A-Boo... Kids: Peek-A-Boo! Nanette: Peek-A-Boo... Kids: Peek-A-Boo! Nanette: Someoneís there, but oh my gosh, I donít know who! Is it you? Kids: Peek-A-Boo! Nanette: Give a clue! Kids: Peek-A-Boo! Nanette: Guess Iíd better go and sneak a Peek-a-Boo! [uncovers her eyes] Kids: Peek-A-Boo! Everyone laughs and applauds. Nanette: That was great! And now itís your turn to sing back to me, so I want everyone to cover their eyes! All the kids do so. Nanette: Ah-ah! I said everyone! Frasier, chuckling, covers his eyes, as do Roz and all the adults. Donald plays the tune again. The kids start to sing... Kids: Peek-A-Boo... Nanette: Peek-A-Boo! Kids: Peek-A-Boo... Nanette: Peek-A-Boo! With that she turns and gooses Frasier. As he uncovers his eyes in shock, she grabs him and kisses him lustily. Kids: Someoneís there, but oh my gosh, I donít know who! Is it you? Nanette: [past his lips] Peek-A-Boo! Kids: Give a clue! Nanette: Peek-A-Boo! They break apart, and lest he confuse the meaning of everything sheís already done, she does a seductive grind while tugging at her breasts. Kids: Guess Iíd better go and sneak a Peek-a-Boo! Nanette: Peek-A-Boo! They uncover their eyes and everyone applauds, Frasier most enthusiastically of all. Frasier: One more time! FADE TO: Scene Three Ė Apartment Niles is waiting. Martin is in his chair. Frasier comes in with a cake box. Frasier: Oh hi, you guys. Iím glad youíre both here. Guess whoís coming by for a drink Ė Nanette Gooseman. Niles: Nanny Gee! Martin: I donít suppose sheís bringing her checkbook. Frasier: Oh, dear God, Dad, will you let it go? Martin: I was still paying for that wedding six months after you two divorced! Nannette didnít have any family, so she got off scot-free. Niles: Oh yeah, orphans get all the breaks. [N.B. A second discontinuity here Ė according to [9.02] ďFather of the Bride,Ē Frasierís first wedding was a quick affair dashed off at city hall, presumably by a justice of the peace.] Niles: Hey, Frasier, Dad and Ronee are joining us for dinner, why donít you two come along? Frasier: Well, actually, Niles, Iím planning a bit of an intimate evening myself. Niles: Really? Frasier: She wants me! Martin: Are you sure? You said that last week about the cable lady, and she just had something in her eye. Frasier: She hit on me in the childrenís bookstore Ė where I bought her CD. Trust me, the woman is a sexual volcano just waiting to erupt! Niles: [examining the CD] Judging from some of these song titles, you may be right. ďNannyís Messy Bed,Ē ďI Feel Something Great Inside Me,Ē ďBannisters are FunĒ... Daphne enters with Eddie. Daphne: Hey. [they ad-lib hellos] Niles: My sweater Ė werenít you wearing it when you went out? Daphne: Yeah, but Eddie was pulling me along so fast, I started sweating like a blacksmith. I could smell the lamb curry I had for lunch just wafting out my pores. But donít worry, itís right here. She opens her purse, where the sweater is bunched into a ball. She notices something. Daphne: Oh, great! [extracts a cookie] That was me last butterscotch, now itís all fuzzy! Niles is about to cry. The doorbell rings. Frasier: Thatíll be Nanette! He dashes over and opens the door to Nanette, wearing an evening dress. She grabs him again. Frasier: Nanette! Nanette: God, I could throw you down on this floor right now and... [sees the rest] Hi! Frasier: Here, let me take your wrap. Daphne: [aside to Martin] Isnít she the childrenís entertainer? Martin: Yeah, SpongeBob Hotpants. Frasier hangs up Nanetteís wrap. Frasier: Nanette, you remember my dad, of course, and Niles, and this is his wife, Daphne. Nanette hugs Martin, then shakes hands with Daphne. Daphne: Hello, itís nice to meet you. Nanette: Oh, itís nice to meet you too. [hugs Niles] And oh, I donít think Iíve seen you since the wedding! Martin: Oh, I remember that day. All those nice friends of yours came. What was it - sixty, seventy? Frasier: Yes, okay, Dad. Martin: I know, because, only fifty RSVPíd. Frasier: Itís all right. You know, sadly, this bunch is going out this evening, so itíll be just the two of us. Donald knocks and sticks his head in. Donald: Hey! Nanette: And Donald. Frasier: Donald? Donald: Hey, put her there Ė Don Burwell. Frasier: [shaking hands] Frasier Crane, uh... Nanette: Donald, here, does - well, just about everything for me. Heís my manager, producer, songwriter, publicist- Donald: Husband. Nanette: I was getting there. And when I told him where I was going, well he just had to come along to meet you. Frasier: Well, uh... gosh, who wants wine? I know I do! Nanette: Iíll help! [follows him] Donald, introduce yourself! Reset to: Kitchen Frasier storms in, followed by Nannette. Frasier: And just when were you planning on telling me you have a husband? Nanette: He produces my show, itís a marriage of convenience. Frasier: Well, at the moment itís not! Nanette: Come on, give Nanny some sugar! She grabs him again. Frasier: Stop-stop it, stop it! Donald will see us. Nanette: Well, say that youíre short on something and send him to the store. Heís good at errands! Frasier: Iím not going to send him on an errand. Heís your husband! Nanette: Itís just business. Itís nothing compared to what we had. [fondling his chest] Do you remember the passion... and the wildness? Frasier: [weakens] Well, we are running low on cornichons... Reset to: Living Room Donald is standing with his back to the kitchen, telling the rest about their recent tour. Over his shoulder, all Martin, Niles and Daphne see is Frasier and Nanette in a clinch against the refrigerator. Donald: Not only did we break house records in Boise and Topeka, but she hasnít missed a show. She just, she lives to entertain children. Niles: Of all ages. Don, come out and look at the balcony. Niles hurriedly steers Donald onto the balcony. Reset to: Kitchen Frasier pushes her away. Frasier: Dear God! Have we lost our minds? Nanette: Frasier, if you knew how bored I am, being ďNanny Gee.Ē [pours herself a big glass of wine] How trapped I feel... Frasier: You have a wonderful career. Nanette: But nothing ever changes! Do you have any idea what itís like to play the same character for twenty years? [N.B. An inside joke here Ė 2004 is Kelsey Grammerís twentieth year in the role of Frasier Crane. This line got the biggest laugh from the studio audience, who had been told this in advance.] Frasier: But... youíve brought joy to countless small children. Nanette: Yeah, well, there are times you want to bring joy to somebody big enough to throw a little back at you. She grabs him again, he pushes her away and carries out the tray of wine glasses. Reset to: Living Room Frasier: Who wants wine? Daphne: [sotto voce] Oh, thatíll cool her right down. Niles: Uh, none for us, we really have to go. Martin: [getting up as Donald reenters] Yeah. Uh, nice to meet you, Donald. And, uh, Fras, see you in a few hours. Donald: [cheerfully] So, looks like a threesome tonight. Martin: Maybe Iíll just stay at Roneeís. Martin, Daphne, and Niles exit. Frasier and Nanette stand uneasily with glasses of wine. Frasier: Yes, well, uh... here we all are. Donaldís cell phone rings Ė it is set to the tune of ďThe Peek-A-Boo Song.Ē Nanette looks like she wants to scream. Frasier sits on the couch and takes a big sip of his wine. Donald: Hello? Ar-are you sure? [to the others] Mr. Bunnyís using again. [into phone] Do you have anyone to replace him? Nanette: Donald, we are guests here! Take that outside. Donald does. Nanette: Honestly, the man has no manners. She jumps on Frasier. Frasier: [forces her away] Cut that out! Nanette: Oh, I canít help myself. Iíve never stopped thinking about you. Frasier: Nor I you, but this is wrong. Nanette: Oh Frasier, youíre so good. You always do the right thing. I have the exact same problem. Frasier: Well, youíre making great strides overcoming it. Nanette: [checks the balcony] Well, Iím tired of being good. [sits up] Iíve sung my songs and cheered people up. [lifts her glass] Havenít I earned the right to be a little bad? Isnít there a part of you that wants to be bad? Frasier: Yes, and three guesses which one. I-I... I canít do it. Nanette: Come to my dressing room after the show tomorrow. I have an hour when Donaldís busy. I know an hourís not much... Frasier: [overcome] Trust me, an hourís more than ample. She shushes him as Donald comes back in. Donald: Well, I just hope he shows up tomorrow. That bunny suit is just so darn tight on me. Frasier gets up and crosses to the dining table, where he takes a tray of pastries out of the cake box. Frasier: Donald, you know, you really must try one of these Gruyere tarts. Donald: Oh, no thanks. Iím watching the old cholesterol. Nanette: So am I Ė but you know what? I just feel like being bad tonight. [takes one] What about you, Frasier? Are you going to be bad? Frasier hesitates. Donald takes the dish and holds it up. Donald: Ah, go on Ė whatís one little tart? Frasier and Nanette eat their tarts, exchanging a complicitous smile. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Four Ė Cafť Nervosa. Niles is at the window seat. Frasier rushes in. Frasier: Niles- Niles: Well, it shows its face. What was that last night? Frasier: Relax, relax, nothing happened. My problem now is that sheís invited me to her dressing room for an... aprŤs-show tryst. Niles: Youíre not going? Frasier: Well... Niles: Frasier! Frasier: Niles, if you had any idea how much pain sheís in. The woman is reaching out to me to rescue her from a loveless marriage, from-from a career she feels trapped in. If I could help her make a new beginning, wouldnít it be heartless of me to deny myself to her? Niles: ...Did you say something? Your penis was talking so loud I couldnít hear. Frasier: All right! I want her and she wants me! Niles: Sheís-married. Frasier: Well, I married her first! ďTill death us do part,Ē as I recall! Now you may not take those vows seriously, but I do. Niles: Will you listen to yourself? Frasier: Oh, this is more than just sex, Niles! This is passion, kismet! A gift the gods bestow on only a chosen few. Wouldnít the real sin be to refuse it? Niles: Isnít that your old second-piece-of-pie argument? Frasier: Well, maybe it is, but I havenít had ďpieĒ in six months! Niles: Frasier, you can rationalize this any way you want. But the question is, if you do this, can you live with yourself afterwards? As Frasier considers that, Alice runs in, followed by Roz. Roz: Ready for the concert? Niles: [rising] Hey, Alice. Alice: Hi, Uncle Niles! She gives him a big hug, making him laugh. Seeing Frasier, she grabs Roz and drags her out again. Alice: Come on, Mommy, letís go! Roz: Oh, oh, oh Ė no hugs for Frasier? As Roz is dragged out, Frasier slowly rises. Frasier: [sadly] No... no hugs for Frasier. FADE TO:
BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG PROBLEM
Scene Five Ė Theater Backstage Frasier knocks on a dressing room door. The star says, ďNanny G.Ē Nanette opens the door, dressed in her costume. Nanette: Frasier, I thought you were coming after the show. Frasier: No, I canít. Nanette: Well, we have ten minutes, let me just get rid of- [yells into the room] Donald! Donald: [o.s.] Huh? Frasier: No, no. I canít do this at all. Nanette: What? Donald: [o.s.] Huh? Nanette: [into room] Nothing, just sit there! She steps into the hall and closes the door behind her. Frasier: God knows Iím tempted, but this is wrong. I-Iím sorry youíve been so unhappy in your life lately, but... if you want to talk, we can meet later, at the coffee shop next door. Nanette: Well, why canít we talk now? Frasier: Donít you have a show to do? Nanette: They canít start me. Here, come with me. Scene Six Ė Prop Room Nanette leads Frasier down some stairs to a room full of sets and props. In the center is a king-sized bed draped with bright, playful covers. Frasier: What is this place? Nanette: Itís the prop room. This is where I come before every show to fight off the emptiness and the nausea that comes over me. She sinks onto a chair and cuddles a teddy bear. Nanette: You donít know how many times Iíve sat down here, curled up in a ball, vomiting like a wino. [chokes back a sob] Hold me, Frasier. Frasier: [tempted again, but] I canít. Youíre married. And these shoes are suede. Look, I-I realize that youíre at a crossroads right now, and if I can help you reach a decision... Nanette: [gets up] I canít go on. Frasier: Then donít. Make a break, redefine yourself- Nanette: No, I mean now. This show, I canít go on. Frasier: What? Cancel? Nanette: I canít go out there and sing and dance and pretend to be a happy lady when the love of my life has just rejected me. Weeping, she lays face-down on the bed Ė making sure to push her behind up into the air. Frasier: [weakening] Oh, Nanette, I... I realize that youíre upset, but-but think of little Alice, and-and the children. Nanette: [lays on her back] Oh, let them learn now that life is filled with bitter disappointments. Frasier: But, Nanette... Nanette rips open the front of her costume, exposing her negligťe. Nanette: Oh, make me a happy lady, Frasier. And then I can go on. Frasier: For the children! He jumps on her. They embrace passionately for a moment, then Frasier breaks away and quickly undresses. Nanette: [helping him] Iíll get the belt... CUT TO: Theater Alice and Roz are sitting eagerly in the front row. Roz looks down the aisle for Frasier, then checks her watch. CUT TO: Prop Room Frasier is down to his boxers, as Nanette lays back on the bed. Nanette: Take me, Frasier! Frasier: Yes! Yes! He jumps on her, and she pulls the bedspread over them. Nanette: Oh! Oh God! How Iíve dreamed of this moment! Have you? Frasier: Are you kidding? [reaches down, pulls off his boxers, and flings them away] I dreamed of it twice last night! They start necking passionately... then the ceiling opens above them and the bed starts to rise on a hydraulic lift. Nanette: Oh my God! Frasier: Already? Nanette: [pushes him off her] Oh, no! I thought we had more time! Quick, get off the bed! P.O.V. Looking down through the opening as the bed rises toward the light, as Frasier and Nanette scramble: Frasier: Oh, dear God! Why is the ceiling opening up?! Nanette: This is how I make my entrance! [re-buttoning her costume] GET OFF THE BED! Frasier: I canít, I canít! Iím tangled in the sheets! Nanette: Oh, my God! Jump! Frasier: Jump? Itís too high! Nanette: Aim for your clothes! Frasier: [realizing] Dear God, my clothes! Nanette: Oh, hide! For Godís sake, just hide! They both duck under the covers. [N.B. All of the following scenes were shot earlier at the Bogart Theater in Los Angeles. The audience was shown the scenes on the monitors, to record the laugh track. In fact, the audience laughed so loud the volume had to be decreased for the broadcast just so the action could be heard.] As the bed rises into a playful bedroom set, the orchestra strikes up, and the audience cheers, waving "NANNY G" pennants. Under the covers: Nanette: You have got to get out of this bed! Frasier: Canít I just hide here until the showís over? Nanette: Trust me, that ainít gonna work. Finished re-buttoning her costume, she sits up, with a big smile on her face. The audience applauds, and as the orchestra starts the first number, she stretches her arms over her head and yawns. A rooster crows. Nanette: [singing] When itís time to rise, I yawn and rub my eyes, because Iím such a sleepyhead But rise I do, ĎCause Iím dying to see whatís new In Nannyís messy bed Frasier risks lifting the covers enough to see out, and quickly ducks down again when he sees the whole audience in plain view. Nanette: There might be treats, Last week I found a pizza And a chimpanzee named Fred [gets out and starts dancing] So kids, what say, we see what we find today in Nannyís messy bed? Four actors wearing animal costumes enter from behind the bed and jump on it Ė and Frasier Ė before jumping down to the stage to dance. Nanette: Thereís always something new Itís Mr. Kangaroo! Bunnies: Some bunny rabbits, too! Panda: And a Panda! Instrumental. As Nanette and the animals dance around the bed, Frasier peeks out and whispers to the nearest one. Frasier: Psst! Panda! Panda: [keeps dancing] Who the hell are you? Frasier: Dr. Frasier Crane, a noted psychiatrist. When does the bed go back to the basement? Panda: A new set comes on, the bed flies out to the rafters Ė fast. Nanette stands on the bed and lifts the cover over herself Ė seeing Frasier but keeping him covered from the audience. All: What a mess! What a mess! What a messy, messy, messy, messy bad! What a mess! Nonetheless... Nanette: With all the time I spend in it, itís nice to have a friend in it! She peeks under the cover. Frasier: You have got to get me out of here. The thingís about to fly up to the rafters! Nanette: Gee, I didnít know that, having only done this show 12,000 times! As the others continue singing, she ducks under the covers and pulls something out of the front of her costume. Nanette: Put this on. Frasier: You canít be serious! Nanette: Just put it on now! She comes back up as the others finish singing. Actors: Messy bed... They finish. The audience applauds. Nanette: Oh, hi boys and girls! Audience: [including Roz and Alice] Hi, Nanny Gee! Nanette: Well, I guess I guess Iíd better make my bed! Kangaroo: You donít have to, Nanny Gee! I have a magic wand that can make it fly away until itís nighttime again! [waves the wand] Al-a-ka- Nanette: WAIT! I think thereís something in there that I havenít found yet! [looks and gasps] Itís the best surprise ever Ė itís a new baby brother! She flips the sheet up, revealing Frasier wearing nothing but an oversized comedy diaper and baby bonnet. The audience roars with laughter. Alice puts a hand to her mouth, giggling. Roz just stares. Nanette: Oh, whatís the matter, little guy? You look kind of sad. Are you going to cry? [urges him with her eyes] Frasier: Waaaa! Nanette: Oh, sounds like somebody could use some cheering up. Letís sing him the ďHoppity-HopĒ song. Kangaroo: [under his breath] We cut ďHoppity-HopĒ in Detroit. Nanette: [through her teeth] Well, put it back in! The orchestra master changes his sheet music, and begins. The animals form up. Nanette: [singing] When Iím blue, just like you When itís not my day I hop, hop, hoppity-hop Hop my troubles away [to Frasier] Come on! Nanette and the animals dance around the bed. Frasier has no choice but to get off the bed and do the same. All: When a bee stings my knee When I lose a toy I hop, hop, hoppity-hop and soon Iím jumping for joy! Frasier struggles madly to ape their choreography and lip-sync the words, darting glances at Nanette and the others. Roz looks incredulous. All: We were feeling sad Now weíre feeling snappy We were hopping mad Now weíre hopping happy! So when you think people stink Let your knees just bend And hop, hop, hoppity-hop and watch your grumpiness end! As they reach stage left, Frasier tries to slip offstage, but runs headlong into Donald, who is staring at him, enraged. Frasier can only continue back across the stage, dancing in a line with Nanette and the animals. All: Hop, hop, hoppity-hop and soon youíll make a new friend... Roz puts a hand over her eyes. END OF ACT TWO Credits: The actors are sitting around a table in the prop room, smoking and playing cards. Donald comes down the stairs, and asks where to find Frasier. They say they donít know. Irritated by the smoke, Donald quickly leaves. Frasier emerges from behind a prop chest, dressed. He thanks the gang, and they send him on his way.

Guest Appearances

 Special Guest Star
 LAURIE METCALF as Nanette ďNanny GeeĒ Gooseman

 Guest Starring
 DON McMANUS as Donald 
 ASHLEY THOMAS as Alice

 Co-starring
 LARRY CEDAR as Bunny #1
 JOHN LATHAN as Bunny #2
 JODY ASHWORTH as Panda
 ROBERT TOWERS as Kangaroo

Legal Stuff

 This episode capsule is copyright 2004 by Mike Lee. This episode
 summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright of Paramount
 Productions and NBC. Printed without permission. 
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